This is Where the Word Nostalgia Came From

It's been a long time since you brought me here
I can't even remember why I came last time
Today, you beckoned me here again
The rain stopped and the place was open to just me

Walking onto the first few wooden planks of the park
Flashes of the last experience here came to mind;
Being caught in the pouring rain
Trying to find shelter under the wooden planks
Which only lead to leaky drops on my head
And a wet phone

Now I'm back to the same old seat
The red one. My favorite.
I throw my keys to the side and take a deep breath
I can see the mix of sun and shadow through my closed eyelids
Pushing off the dirt, the euphoria begins
A drug that begins it's effects right away
A drug with no side effects

Keeping my eyes closed I lose my breath
Waves of nausea fill my limp-less body
All the feelings rush to the surface
And I'm more aware of my age because the skin falls and lifts with every swing
The purest meditation

You knew you couldn't leave me there for long
And a voice came out through the wooden castle
Two young boys in matching black camo tshirts emerged
They just stood and stared until one said, "Hello!!"

With a smile, I said, "hello!"
In past times, an interruption like this would have caused frustration
Though today was marked with a feeling of joy and a new beginning

One of the twins yelled out, "What's your name?"
I responded and asked the same
One then proceeded to ask me a question that has been lingering within me for some time now....
"Are you a mommy?"
My brow lowered as I wondered what kind of four year old would ask such a question
"No, not yet," I answered

These two boys then joined me next to the swing
We talked of the holidays, batman, spiderman
Cars, starwars, who was going faster,
and who was going higher
Plus many other childish adventures

These young lads were being watched by their "opah"
The name they called their grandfather
He wore a hat and a belted blue jean
He didn't talk much but was enjoying himself

Then one of the boys took off and yelled, "come get me GIANT!!"
His grandfather got up and with a limp, chased this child around the park yard
He couldn't get that far before he had to begin walking again

What a blessing to be living around different generations
The young, the middle, and the older
It made me think of my father
Whom I hope will one day be the greatest grandfather to my children
He was a great father to us as kids
The best play toy around
Irreplaceable

I ran my feet across the pieces of wood chunks on the ground
Slowed my pace to a full stop
The boy still swinging next to me says, "Are you leaving?"
"I think so," I said. As if hoping he would ask me to stay and keep being a child with him
But I knew it was time to grow up and keep walking

So I said my goodbyes and walked off the wooden planks to the black cement
Key to the silver hole in my black truck
I entered with the new scent of my air freshener
Looked in the rear view mirror and said goodbye one more time
and drove away with a peace I can never describe

It's been some time since you've brought me here
Nothing will stop you, rain or shine
You will always meet me in this place
And I will never be the same

I think I've repeated your name in my head a thousand times 

Come On Skinny Love

My soles are stuck to the ground
Can't move a single inch
An immovable object
But my heart is being pushed by the force of a tornado
It can average about 200 mph

"What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object?"
I'm about to find out

Time has had control the past few weeks
There's no where to go and no way to escape
To exist and disappear all at once
My shoes are glued to this cement

Who starts a conversation with goodbye?
This isn't what I expected
I'd hoped I would have met you before this
This day, this time, this-this

I will find pieces of you in her
Like a child learning new things about the world
You're presence will always be there
Your face can be found in the shadows of her face
Our joy will be yours to look upon

But for now, I'm an immovable object
Feeling this force get stronger
Waiting to be lifted off the ground
Will I make it out in one piece?
My soles are stuck to this ground

Story of My Life

Flip. Flip. Flip.

Flipping pages
Back and forth
Forward, backwards
Future, past

Do I keep turning pages
Or stop here, intact

Fear of what may come
Fear of what may not
Fear

Flip. flip. stop.

Im aware of the beginning
Blank pages at the end
Keeps my head spinning
The words seem to blend

Flip. flip. flip.....STOP.

...a new chapter

Forever and Ever, and Ever and Ever

Tomorrow's the day they burry you away
Many expressions, no words to say
Is that why funerals are so quiet
You're gone and I can't deny it
Maybe it was your time to go
But the knowledge of death we don't know
Never been explained
These days are just stained
Do I allow myself to believe you're in a better place
Hide these tears and face the Grace
Or just believe that you're gone without a trace
No body, no soul, no face?

She breaks like thin ice
You're old voicemails just don't suffice
When tears were meant to heal
They only remind of how you were real
How long until she regains control
Never again will she be whole
But changed inside and out
Beyond any doubt

Will you send a message from above
Something with a dove?
I'd like to remember you with peace
A sweet release

Tomorrow they burry you away
I don't know what to say
But I'll believe you're somewhere safe
You're body gone without a trace
But alive and well with a soul and a face

Everybody is a genius. but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its entire life believing that its stupid

Shake the Limbs

Gentle walks the roused eyes

Forces affix together in alliance

Within the terminal power source

Whereupon love is never compliant

The forces take cover and retaliate

Against "these feelings"

Excruciating, persevering thoughts initiate

Forces fight with bitter strength

Bitterness churns into anger

Screaming, biting, yelling

Nothing, no nothing can defeat Love

For Love conquers it all

Worms its way past barriers

Past our forces

Into our centers...power sources...souls

A moment

It crashes in without warning

It lives, breathes, sustains, flourishes

A moment

A painful wreckage

Or a faithful friend

A moment

Fixed. Moving. Shaping. Growing. Gone.

Synapses harness them for future reference

Forces decide: fight and disguise, the heart shys, the heart dies, or the heart tries
Gentle walks the sleepless eyes

Bluebells - Will Stratton

sooo good