If You Are Wondering About My Cuddling Status

DEFINITION: To fondle in the arms; hug tenderly; to nestle, snuggle. 


As a young girl, middle school age, I didn't start the cuddling even though I was okay with it. The only time it would happen was if the other person came over and started cuddling with me. It was still something new to me. I was raised by my father growing up so there was no mommy to cuddle with and I didn't cuddle with my sister because we were always mad at each other. I hated hugging people and I would never, NEVER, say I loved them.


After middle school, I moved away from CA to live with my Aunt and Uncle in GA. They became my guardians. They were very loving and affectionate people. To an extent that was too much for me at first. They always wanted to hug me and I was just like back off. It kinda freaked me out. But as time went by, I realized they gave me a lot of the love and attention I never got in CA. After about 2 years with them, I started to really love hugging people and saying I love you to them all the time. One day I realized how much I had changed in that department. It was a good thing for the most part. I still didn't cuddle that much with people though.


Then in college, I cuddled with all my friends. It was a mutual thing and I never felt like I was intruding in their space.  I knew I was loved and welcome and they did too. So I did some snuggling here and there. Still gave tons of hugs and said a ton of I love yous ....sometimes too many. Around my junior year of college, some things in my life began to take hold. Some things I had left to rot in the back of my mind started growing again and destroyed a lot of strong parts of my life. My friends began to notice that I'd stay away from any form of affection. I had to reaffirm them all that it wasn't personal. I stopped telling people that I loved them and even when I wanted to give people hugs, I wouldn't. I'm slowly getting out of this place but I'm still there. There are people I'd like to hug but I don't unless they ask. Although I like cuddling, I don't like cuddling. If I tell you I love you, then I'm really comfortable with you. If I don't, it's not because I don't love you, it's just because I can't handle telling you yet. 


So that's part of my story on affection and where I am with that.