I WANT THIS

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall...

So I like to read facebook's daily horoscopes. I know what you're thinking: that they're stupid and they're fake. That the more you read them, the more they come true because you psychologically instill what it says into your mind and kind of make it happen. That may be true for some people, but I don't do that. Most of the time I read them at night, after the day is over, to see if it was actually true. Also, the statements they give are really encouraging and not like any of the other horoscopes I've ever seen. I can't exactly explain that to you but here's mine for today:

Your mother may be on your mind today, Sagittarius. Your mother probably affects how you think, act, and feel, both in the past and now. If your mother's sign is opposite yours, conflict and misunderstanding can happen more easily. Take the time to learn about her sign today to help you understand her and the relationship you have.


Now, this stupid font keeps changing....gahh. Okay, anyway, this one is actually really specific. Normally they aren't this specific. So I just read this for the first time today, there was no way that it knew I actually thought about my mother today....but I did. Now this may not seem crazy to you because a lot of people talk to their moms. Some people talk to their moms everyday, but my situation is very different than everyone else's. The thing is, my mother lives in California and I rarely talk to her. I talk to her about 5 times a year, at that. So this was pretty legit. Our relationship is very complicated. 


Anyway, I like them because they encourage me and because when I read about my overall horoscope it's actually correct. I found this earlier today on a horoscope website. They pegged me perfectly:



While Sagittarians are the nomads of the Zodiac, they do not wander aimlessly. They are seekers of the truth and will go anywhere and talk to anyone for answers to their questions. Knowledge and wisdom drive them and provide the energy for their liberal approach to life. Sagittarians are drawn to the philosophical and spiritual because these subjects provide answers to the questions that burn inside them.


- The past year, I spent the whole freakin' year doing this. I seeked and seeked and it really took a huge toll on my life but I finally found the answer that I believe is right. Other's don't agree but as the next part of the horoscope explains, I am always interested in other people's views, I don't judge them and I agree to disagree.


Sagittarians are the intellectuals of the Zodiac. They are lucid thinkers who appreciate others agreeing with their conclusions. Sometimes they are so confident their deductions are beyond dispute they become dogmatic and argumentative. Still, the Sagittarian quest for information drives them to listen to anyone and absorb what they find useful and quickly disregard the rest.


It is the nature of Sagittarians to roam freely. If they feel intellectually or physically restricted they may become bad-tempered very quickly. When Sagittarians are given the freedom they need they are kind, optimistic, lucky and not afraid of taking an occasional risk. They are also a charming lot who can be self-indulgent procrastinators. Overall, Sagittarians allowed the freedom they need are a delight to be around. 


- A self-indulgent procrastinator - well I can say that I tend to put others' feelings before mine but when it comes down to it, I spend a lot of time thinking about my life and desires. I slightly disagree with procrastination on that one. Yes, I do love my freedom :D


If you read all of that, thank you for wanting to learn about me  <3

Books. Art. The Only Thing Missing is Music. Wait, It's In My Ears

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/the-book-surgeon-15-pieces

 Seeing as nursing runs my life, I spent ALL weekend studying for this test I have tomorrow. It's over a whole bunch of organs and their disease. What the disease are, what symptoms are associated with it, severe complications, how to fix it, what tests to use, complications during the fixing, etc. These topic are of every single topic. So now you have to understand why I don't have such a great memory anymore.

 I just made some amazing cinnamon sugar coffee cake and my roommates came home. I'm not sure what happened but we all got so hyper. We were being so weird and laughing our heads off. We were hiding and scaring each other and there was some tickling and wrestling going on. Man, I really missed them. There's nothing like a family and people you can say/do anything around. That comfort is so special.

 I hope I do well on my test tomorrow.
After that, FREEDOM. So if you want to hang out, let me know

To Whomever It May Concern

If one day we cross paths

I hope that I'd have the ability to keep the words inside

The strength to prohibit the emotions to collide

And have the courage to let you go

Tears may roll down my cheeks

Like rain down a window sill

My heart may pound outside of my chest

Yet I will always do what I think best

So I pray we walk on different roads

And never find each other greeting

For I am heavy burdened and weak

And losing you would make life bleak

Todays Current Realization

Here I stand, alone and vulnerable
Looking down at the ground between my legs
The dirt beneath my feet begins to split
Left to make a decision without time on my side

At first I stepped to my left
It was the immediate reflexive response
Soon realizing it contained satisfactions that were constantly disappearing
Then reappearing before my eyes

Stepping over to the right side
The same satisfactions were present and permanent but in different forms
It seemed to be the good side but wasn't as pleasing to the eye
I quickly stepped back over the crack, straddling the split

How am I to be sure the things on the right side were as permanent as they seemed. Would they be enough to satisfy me?
Or would I be okay with temporary satisfaction on the left because they are more pleasing to me?

Crackling beneath me, the dirt separates into a gaping hole
I lose my balance and stumble to gain my balance

The dirt has no emotions, it will not stop for me
It will not help me in my decision and I must make a choice
If I straddle the crack I have no satisfactions
If I go to the left, I may not be satisfied for long
If I go to the right, I may be tricked into believing they'll last forever

The ground shakes below me, time is running out

Oh, yeah

Just Believe Me When I Say, "I LOVE YOU."

 There are some aspects about life that I want to scream out loud.


 Today, I had so many new insights into life. I saw the broken, the hurting, the emptiness, the hurt, the unloved, the untouched, the angry, the hopeless, the want, the need, the sensitive, the strong. I saw the end and the beginning. There were times today I just wanted to throw the happiness of life around in little containers for these people to open and enjoy. Yet life doesn't come in simple little containers. It's not easy and it's not always evident. In a way, I'm frustrated with life. Why does it hide itself in the presence of someone who wants to end their life? These people can't see life, all they see is death.


 Sometimes I wish that I could show people the hope that exists but I can't just go and pick it off the ground. I can love them, I can be nice, I can listen but sometimes even that doesn't do any good. 


 There's just this tugging at my heart right now and I just want to explode. All their pain is lingering inside me and want to suck it out of my insides. It has built more character in me but it needs to go. 


 For whoever actually reads this, don't give up hope. Always remind yourself that there is ALWAYS hope. Even in the midst of despair, anger and hurt. There IS  a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been down in the dumps to the bottom of the farthest hole. I've thought about taking my life several times but I'm glad I never did and never will. There  is so much in life to be joyful and thankful for. Sometimes you just have to look for it and sometimes you have to be broken down so far that you realize there's so much to have gratitude for.


I love you, whoever you are, whoever is reading this. I love you so much.  It's so deep I can't even express it. For those of you who are close friends of mine, I love you more than I'll ever tell you.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

10 Random Facts About: G-NAT

1) I have an obsession with the smell of certain paper....and Reeses
2) I do not like feet
3) When I was younger I put ketchup on everything including popcorn
4) I can skateboard pretty well
5) I was raised by my step-mother who taught me Spanish as a child. I am bilingual
6) When I was in fourth grade I beat a boy up. Like really beat him up
7) I can play the guitar and the piano
8) I have really vivid dreams every night. This summer and past semester I had really bad nightmares
9) In 5th grade I took some paint and drew a huge happy face on the dodgeball wall. I get in a lot of trouble. That wasn't the only time
10) In middle school, I spent a lot of time in a bar with my mom and played a lot of pool. I met a pro cage wrestler and he bet me to a game. It made me really intimidated but I won $40 :D

Watch This and Listen To the Lyrics

It takes a crane to build a crane

It takes two floors to make a storie

It takes an egg to make a hen

It takes a hen to make an egg

There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word

And it takes some words to make an action

And it takes some work to make it work

It takes some good to make it hurt

It takes some bad for satisfaction

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle

Ah la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la

It takes a night to make it done

And it takes a day to make you young brother

And it takes some old to make you young

It takes some cold to know the sun

It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love

But it takes you years to know what love is

And it takes some fears to make you trust

It takes those tears to make it rust

It takes the dust to have it polished

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound

And it takes a lost before you found it

And it takes a road to go nowhere

It takes a toll to show you care

It takes a hole to see a mountain

Ah la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la life goes full circle

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la life is meaningful

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la life is meaningful

Ah la la la la la la life is full of

Ah la la la la la life is so full of love

Ah la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la la life is meaningful

Ah la la la la la life is full of

Ah la la la la la life is so full of love

THIS IS MY LIFE. JUST FOR KICKS AND GIGGLES!!

ATTENTION: A Change Is Occurring!!

 At times, we have to look really hard to see change. It can be even harder to see change in people we've been frustrated with or expecting change from. We'd almost rather pretend they haven't changed at all because a lot of times we think they'll just go back to their "old" selves, unless some crazy miracle happens. When it does happen, it's fantastic. Especially when we ourselves goes through a good change in our own personalities.

 The thing that jiggles my brain is how it's easier for us to see a physical change than a personality change. Physical changes can be simple to make but personality changes are not easy. You have to actually sit down, stop being in denial about things, think about what it is you need to change, decide to change, make goals to change, then actually change. After you do all that, you have to try and make it a habit. You know what they say about habits....it takes about a month to create a habit and make it stay! Even then, people fail at it all the time. You can have a huge internal enlightenment about changing something about yourself and be making an effort, but no one may notice.

 Lets say you were trying to reduce your temper about things like road rage but nobody ever rides with you in your car. How in the world is anyone going to notice your change and congratulate you, or even encourage you?? It's just not fair! Or other things like being more happy or going out of your way to do things for people....maybe you're good one day and not the next but sometimes people don't notice that.

 As I was mentioning before, physical changes are seen immediately. I know if I wear my hair down or put on a dress, eyes are turning and friends are noticing because it's definitely not the norm for me. This is great but it didn't take much work. Yes, it is flattering and I do like the compliments but I'd rather be complimented on the hard work it took me to change a part of my personality than the work on my appearance!

 Since I've come to this conclusion, I'm going to try and focus my attention more on people's personality changes and by this I don't mean judge their every action, but encourage my friends and let them know that I appreciate them and the wonderful things their doing for me and other people.

VAMPIRE WEEKEND, Should I Say More?

This Is One Reason Why I Love Gaga.

<3 <3 <3

XoXoXo

How To Swim Through Life Without Doing Anything

 I think it's interesting that all children in America get swimming lessons. It's pretty much a universal thing to make your child do when their young. Why is swimming more of a necessity than say, CPR training, or healthy eating classes? I think our priorities in America are a bit skewed.

 Several children drown at an early age whether they know how to swim or not. It's one of those things that's a good asset for children to know, but if they never got lessons, they can just skip swimming altogether. It's not an important part of life. If you live near the beach it would be more of an incentive but still. CPR is great to know but children don't need to learn it that early since they aren't strong enough to really give compressions anyway.

I think that healthy eating classes would be more beneficial for this country than swimming lessons. If children were taught at an early age what to eat and what not to eat, as well as how the body is affected, ir would be more beneficial. I didn't learn about healthy eating until I was in maybe fifth grade or middle school and by then, many kids are obese or have diabetes. The eating habits of parents is a huge factor in the health of children because they buy the groceries and put the food on the table. Yet, if we started teaching the kids earlier, then maybe as they grow up, they will feed their children better. We've gotten to be a lazy society and want things easier and faster.

 This blog wasn't meant to be about any of the above, but about the fact that I thought it was really interesting that swimming lessons were a universal thing, like immunizations or something. Is that as interesting to anyone else? It just seems odd.

The Start of a Great Book? I THINK SO.

The first sentence of this book:

 In Haddam, summer floats over tree-softened streets like a sweet lotion balm from a careless, languorous god, and the world falls in tune with its own mysterious anthems.


I can already tell this book is going to be fantastic.
It's called Independence Day by Richard Ford

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW

Let me elaborate on this video. I'm sure everyone who watches it would be touched and feel a sense of rejuvenation and have a sense of "carpe diem." If I wasn't in school, I'd be doing something similar to him. No, I wouldn't be surfing those huge waves but I'd be going out taking video and photography of the things I feel and try to capture them in my photos. He mentions finding this "out of earth" experience with life and how he sees life in angles, light, objects, etc. Not many people see that way. I've been feeling that way for about two years now. It's really prevalent right now. I've been seeing and hearing things in ways no one else understands. It goes beyond the picture. It's something I can't explain but by watching this video you can get a glimpse of what I feel. It's very similar to how he feels and if I didn't want to be nurse, I would give up everything to capture "life," even if it meant poverty because I'd have experiences and stories to tell my children/grandchildren and I'd be happy doing what I was doing. It's like having a relationship with life, haha, I don't know if that makes sense. 

Mistaken Love

"If you love someone, let them go."

 As I was munching on my fruit loops this morning, I had an interesting thought come to mind. This usually happens everyday as I look outside our living room window each morning.

 I began to think about people in my life that I need to just let go of. People who are wonderful but aren't the best of friends or who aren't willing to fill my needs as a friend. I've done everything I can for them. I've encouraged them and been there for them but it wasn't reciprocated and after awhile I got exhausted and it's okay to let people go. It doesn't exactly mean your giving up on them or anything. It just means you're moving on.

 In the case of this blog post, these circumstances count but I'm referring more towards people who have let  us go personally, in a good way. In most cases, we don't know who these people actually are because they have loved us enough to let us go and not make it a big deal. For example, the people who have liked us more than friends but knew we were in a relationship, so they let us go. These people didn't want to ruin our already existent relationships so they stopped pursuing us. It was for the benefit of them and for us. Or how about the babies who are given up for adoption because the mother can't support the child. The mother loves them so much and wants the best for them, so she had to let them go. Maybe we've had friends who have let us go because they knew they were a bad influence and didn't want us to fall into the same trap they were in.

 There are so many good/hard reasons to let someone go but I'm sure there have been many people who have done that for us in our own lives. Although I don't know who they are, I am very thankful for them. They have given me a better life by sacrificing their love for me. That's real love. That's a selfless love.

 So for a minute, just think about this, then think about who you've done this for and practice gratitude.