Looking For Warmth

We tend to have days where we make major decisions that hurt us and other people. Sometimes these decisions make us take a step back and review our selves. We can be very self criticizing and I fully understand that because I've done it before. It's a way to cope but also very unhealthy.

Over the years, I've had people come to me saying how terrible they are and that nothing good ever comes from what they do. That they are not worthy of praises and that they'll never change. That no one will ever appreciate them and so they need to push people away. In the past, I thought of reasons why I would say things like that to my friends. I would say them because I was looking for encouragement and for them to tell me that what I was believing were lies. I needed outside help. That's what I expected, but even after someone tried to give me hope and encouragement, I still pushed what they said away and kept talking negatively about myself. I think a part of the reason I did that was because no matter what people said, I still didn't believe in myself, so how could I believe them?

Over the years, I've come to accept who I am and have hope and confidence in myself. I have tendencies to be negative but for the most part, I am an optimistic person. If I have a friend come to me saying negative things about themselves (asking/looking for approval and encouragement), I give them as much positive words as I can. If they keep pushing what I'm saying away and aren't believing in themselves then I quit trying. I quit trying because I know deep down there is nothing I can say that will change their mind. It's their own thoughts that will change how they feel about themselves. Sometimes I wonder if quitting is the best idea because sometimes people want you to climb up the wall they put up. Almost like a test. And if you push long enough, they'll come through. But I'm no longer willing to do that because in the end, I can't change how people feel about themselves. Only they can.

It's like when someone is having a hard time in life and a relationship comes along. They are all of a sudden "better." Their problems disappear. They think it's all because of this person they're with now but soon enough, these problems are going to start creeping up again because you can't hide from your problems. People tend to move to different states to escape people and issues but they always follow. Even if we're in a relationship, we are still going to get jealous and we're still going to have insecurities.

I will do what I can to encourage people but I'm not going to sit down and pamper someone who comes up to me asking for help and then refuse it when I give it.