Today, I had so many new insights into life. I saw the broken, the hurting, the emptiness, the hurt, the unloved, the untouched, the angry, the hopeless, the want, the need, the sensitive, the strong. I saw the end and the beginning. There were times today I just wanted to throw the happiness of life around in little containers for these people to open and enjoy. Yet life doesn't come in simple little containers. It's not easy and it's not always evident. In a way, I'm frustrated with life. Why does it hide itself in the presence of someone who wants to end their life? These people can't see life, all they see is death.
Sometimes I wish that I could show people the hope that exists but I can't just go and pick it off the ground. I can love them, I can be nice, I can listen but sometimes even that doesn't do any good.
There's just this tugging at my heart right now and I just want to explode. All their pain is lingering inside me and want to suck it out of my insides. It has built more character in me but it needs to go.
For whoever actually reads this, don't give up hope. Always remind yourself that there is ALWAYS hope. Even in the midst of despair, anger and hurt. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been down in the dumps to the bottom of the farthest hole. I've thought about taking my life several times but I'm glad I never did and never will. There is so much in life to be joyful and thankful for. Sometimes you just have to look for it and sometimes you have to be broken down so far that you realize there's so much to have gratitude for.
I love you, whoever you are, whoever is reading this. I love you so much. It's so deep I can't even express it. For those of you who are close friends of mine, I love you more than I'll ever tell you.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
Thanks Natalie. I love you!
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